That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
