How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
