Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
