I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i believe in u and ur pee
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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