dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
