Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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