But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
this hospital has no fireball
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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