I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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