My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
