I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
