I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
