Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
