2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
