Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
