At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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