so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
