I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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