my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
