My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
