i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Welp...herpes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
