i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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