I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
