Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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