that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
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It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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