Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
