In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
