We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
