What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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