Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
