I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
