I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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