I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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