i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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