I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
