I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I could fuck to npr.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
