get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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