You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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