Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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