my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
