You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
