And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
