u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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