Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
