whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.