first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
