He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
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I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.