stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
