its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!