Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?