when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
