well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
