i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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