I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
