sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
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he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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