Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I need moral support for this bender
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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