I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dicks are not precious.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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