Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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