His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
