I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
