She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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