I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
