i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
