I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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