Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
