its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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