I faked an abortion last night.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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