I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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