he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
