dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
