life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's never too late to be topless.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
