There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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