I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
