Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
